in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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