know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
