at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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