i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
