once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
