How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
