So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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