he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
this hospital has no fireball
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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