Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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