Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im having a threesome with these popsicles
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
