I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
