nut hugger
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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