I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
