We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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