R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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