We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
