hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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