his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
