I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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