Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
