I just pynch a tree in the face
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
