We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
