i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
