I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Randomize
