I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
