Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
