i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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