I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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