All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
there is puke in my bra ... again
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
