I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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