I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
