do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
