i just wanna soil my oats bro
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
