yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it hurts more in the daytime
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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