but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it's like heaven, but drunker
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
