when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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