He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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