so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
