worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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