I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
