When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
