Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
