He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
