I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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