Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
