There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
