OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
