he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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