the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I could make wine with my vomit
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
