I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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