I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
