Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
