So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
