Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
