Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
