I am puke
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
