i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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