I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
