I just pynch a tree in the face
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
