During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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