can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
