How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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