Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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